How Not To Win Over A Human
by Shade Penn
Summary: When Knock Out reads 'How to Become a Love Interest,' he takes it's applications out on a real person: the unwilling object of his fixations to be precise. Jack Darby. Onesided Jack/Knock Out.


Jack was worried as he stared at the red sports car that had cornered him in the parking lot just outside his workplace. He'd been just getting out when this car had tried to run him over, though he'd ran away he was eventually cut off and now he couldn't go anywhere without being immediately cut off. He wished Arcee would arrive soon to pick him up.

Maybe if he talked? Then again, it just might make the 'Con angrier because why else would he try to run him down? "Uh, you're Knock Out, right?"

The 'Con seem to jerk back as if surprised before he spoke. "Though I don't have to answer your question, skin job, _yes_, I am Knock Out."

Jack gritted his teeth and before he could stop himself he blurted out, "Who are you calling a skin job? If anyone had a job done it's _you_." He paled when and car moved in slowly and he backed up, just ready to run in some vain hope he could make it by him.

"You _noticed?"_

Jack nearly fell back against the wall as he stared at Knock Out, the tone implying if he could, the mech would be preening. '_What the hell?'_ he thought. "What?"

The tone abruptly went back to its previously threatening one. "If you think you can flatter your way out you better try harder than that." He hissed.

Though Jack was certainly scared for his life, he was getting increasingly confused as well. But this wasn't enough for him to throw away self-preservation so he needed to keep the mech distracted until Arcee arrived. "Um, you look really shiny…and red." He said lamely.

_"Better_."

Jack shifted his eyes around the car before trying to see some difference he might have missed in the one time he saw him up close; though in that case he was also scared for his life. "Um, you got new black tires?" he offered.

"Yes, yes I did." Knock Out replied. "I would have gone for the black coat like the page called for but you needed to be able to recognize me after all."

Confusing overriding fear for the moment, Jack furrowed his brow. "What are you talking about?"

The mech didn't answer and his tires spun before he drove forward and Jack cringed in on himself as he thought he was about to be run over only to see Knock Out taking off and missing him by inches. Jack saw a blue motorcycle being ridding by a black covered figure and he looked off in the direction that Knock Out went.

"Jack, what's wrong?" Arcee asked.

It took him a second to regain his voice. "It…it's nothing, Arcee." He said and walked over to the motorcycle.

_'Well that was weird.'_

* * *

Because he honestly thought the incident at KO Burger was a one-time thing, Jack kept quiet about it. He didn't need Arcee to think he couldn't take care of himself, nor did he think it _would_ happen again.

So when the Autobots were out fighting for energon reserves and came back, Arcee took him off to the side, a strange look on her face. "Jack," she began, "why didn't you say Knock Out was at your workplace?"

Jack paled. "Was Knock Out at the fight?" he asked and Arcee nodded while crossing her arms expectantly. "I didn't think it was important. He was being weird, that's all; besides, since when does a 'Con need a reason to scare a human?"

Arcee didn't look amused. "Jack, if this happens again, you tell me, got it partner?"

Jack nodded. "I got it, Arcee. But what did Knock Out tell you?"

"He was as you said…being weird. He kept asking me how you were, what you like and he seemed angry I kept firing at him for asking about you enough to tell me that some page point was no help for what he was doing if it meant talking to Autobots." Arcee explained and looked confused by this as well.

"He mentioned a page with me too, he said it called for a black coat but he got black tires instead." Jack replied. "Look, can we not tell the others? This is embarrassing enough without them finding out."

"Knock Out is fixated on you, that's worrying." Arcee retorted. "I will inform Optimus discreetly and you go home with your mother, how does that sound?"

Jack smiled. "Sounds good." He said and started walking around the femme. "But this is nothing, you'll see."

* * *

Jack came out of the bathroom after taking a shower with a towel around his waist and using another to dry his hair. He walked back to his room, having stayed up later so he could clean himself up and saw his mother was already in her room by the closed door and he walked over to the closet in his room to take his PJs out. He opened the closet door and reached for the hangars and closed the door and walked over to his bed.

Jack took the towel off his head and let it drop to the floor, but as his fingers reached for the towel at his waist, he shivered and remembered he'd left the window open earlier. He walked over to the curtains and pulled them back, only to recoil as he came face to faceplate with Knock Out. He stared, horror and shock crossing his face, but the 'Con merely looked him over and scowled.

"That page said being caught watching you undress was supposed to be funny." He grumbled.

Jack snapped out of his shock to glare at the mech. "What the hell is your problem?!" he demanded angrily. "First you get all weird at my workplace, then that thing with Arcee and now _this?"_

"None of the page's earlier points worked and clearly 'watching you undress' isn't either," Knock Out said like he hadn't heard Jack, "so now I've got to move onto the next one." He paused for a moment like he was trying to recall something and smirked at Jack. "You know, I'm sure I could be a _much_ better ride than Arcee. After all, how you can resist a face like mine?" He asked grinning at him.

Jack would have thought of vehicle replacement, but the mech's grin was so blatantly suggestive that there really was no other interpretation. And the fact he was wearing nothing but a towel didn't help matters. "ARCEE!" he shouted.

Knock Out's grin fell as Arcee came crashing out of the garage, sending the parts flying everywhere as she transformed and spotted him standing in front of Jack's room. "Onto the next point." He muttered before being tackled.

Jack heard the sounds of footsteps running along the floor and his mother burst into his room, her eyes wide and frantic. "What are you screaming about? Are you okay?"

Jack nodded at the window. "Looked out the window and a 'Con was standing in front of it." He said shuddering. "And…I think he offered to have sex with me."

June's face was a cross between confusion and horror. "How would that even…? Never mind." She said and patted Jack on the shoulder. "The point is Arcee's out there beating him up, right?"

Jack grimaced and nodded. He looked up when Arcee walked over to the window, her faceplate scuffled and she looked annoyed. "Did you stop him?"

"No, he got away," she muttered and looked at him pointedly, "'nothing will happen,' huh?"

Jack flushed as he looked down at his feet. "Maybe we should tell the others."

Arcee nodded curtly as she raised a hand to her helm. "Good decision."

* * *

June walked out of the hospital, looking both ways cautiously as she walked over to her car. After what happened the previous night, she thought it would be best if Jack spent the time being at the Autobot base until Knock Out wouldn't try to get near Jack again. Last night really was too close for comfort.

She made it to her car and took out her keys, but noticed something in the reflection and gasped before whirling around. Knock Out was staring down at her with an indifferent expression on his face plate.

"You are Jack's Creator, are you not?" he asked.

June blinked. "What?"

"Are you his Creator?" Knock Out repeated annoyed.

"Yes." June answered hesitantly. "Why?"

Knock Out held out his hand and lowered it to her level, and as June flinched back, she was surprised by what she saw. "Then let me offer you these for your son."

June stared at the two creatures in his servo. "Sheep? Why would you give me sheep and why would I give your Jack in exchange for them?"

Knock Out scowled at her. "The page point said 'powers that be' but I figured since you were his Creator you still held power over him. So I offer you these for him." he repeated loftily.

June stared at him incredulously. "No I will not trade you my son like he's some kind of _thing_."

The red mech dropped the sheep onto the pavement and they 'bawed' before scuttling along the ground and he glared at her. "_Fine_, I'll be moving on then." He hissed and transformed back into his car form. "The things I'm doing for that human."

* * *

"Knock Out's been getting really weird, I mean he brought my mother _sheep_ for me?" Jack shook his head as he and Arcee traveled through the desert for a drive, feeling safe with the femme and that Knock Out wouldn't be stupid enough to try and get to him now. "What's his end game anyway? To drive me crazy?"

"Who knows what goes on inside a 'Con's head." Arcee replied and a second later a shot rang out and hit Arcee, sending her and Jack flying off the road.

Jack watched Arcee hit the ground and he closed his eyes to feel the same, but the feeling of sand under his back or front never came and he opened his eyes behind his visor to see he was being held up in the air. _'No, he _wouldn't have.' He thought and looked over his shoulder to see Knock Out's smirking face plate. "_Why?"_

"The page said if I rescue you from danger then you'd love me." He replied simply.

Jack froze in disbelief. "You mean the entire reason you're being so weird and creepy is because you _like me?"_ he asked angrily. "Why would I like you if you save me from something _you_ caused in the first place?"

Knock Out scowled at him and raised his other servo. "The page said if this 'saving' you thing didn't work and _being patient_ about my proposition didn't work there was always the alternative."

"What page?" Jack asked looking at the servo warily.

"It's called 'How to Be a Love Interest' but so far you've been resistant." Knock Out said darkly.

Jack felt indignant and incredulous. "You used a page on TV Tropes that's for _fictional characters_ to try and get me? I'm not a fictional character! This is the real world and it doesn't work like that!" he shouted.

Knock Out didn't look deterred as his free servo moved to Jack's pants and grabbed his belt. "I may have skipped a few things on the page, but why else would it be on the Internet? Now just to get these annoying things off and maybe then you'll have something for me to lick off your face."

Jack's eyes widened in horror as he struggled to push the servo away from him but the servo he was in wrapped around him to keep him still. "ARCEE!" he shouted. "HELP ME! THIS CRAZY 'CON IS TRYING TO RAPE ME!"

Arcee transformed into her bi-pedal mode and raised her canon before firing it at Knock Out, making him stop what he was doing and duck to avoid the blast and she fired again to make him drop Jack. One he lost his grip, she kept on firing and ran forward, kicking him once she was close enough and grabbed Jack in her other hand.

He held onto her shoulder as she raised her hand to her helm. "We could use a bridge right about now; Knock Out came back for Jack."

"_Again?"_

Jack groaned behind his visor and just wished this would end.

* * *

"Knock Out's not gonna stop, is it?" Jack muttered as his mother patted him on the bad. "Why me? Why would he fixate on _me?_ What's so special?"

No answer was forthcoming, and Jack just sunk deeper into his revulsion.

The only answers he got from the mech just made more questions, the biggest though was always: why would he think trying to get him by using a web page would work?

He was_ real_ damn it, but he supposed to Knock Out he wasn't. Why else would he think it would work?


End file.
